Building a village

"Warm is the new cool" I recently heard at a conference (the Orange ministry conference). While I think it was directed to connecting with youth and children, I think it pertains to adults and children alike.

We are no longer born into a "village". We may be born in one location, go to school in another, move 5 or 6 times as we're growing up. Statistics indicate that the average person has more than 10 jobs before they turn 40 - and that is only expected to increase. If you consider that you probably spend 50% of your waking hours at work, your center of influence and connections are likely to change every 5-10 years. It's no wonder we struggle with feeling disconnected these days!

Living in a comparison culture often fueled by social media, we see everyone else who goes on vacation with their best friends, goes to the zoo with their neighborhood group, has wonderful family gatherings every weekend.  We feel even more alone.

I've been there too (and maybe still am!). It seems like - if maybe you could just find a few perfect friends, you'd be much better off. But where are these perfect friends (or maybe even significant other) that you are looking for?

Here's what I have to say about this - and strangely this has become a tagline in my ministry ... Lower your expectations. 

Often in divorce support groups, ex-spouses are frustrated that their ex-spouse is not cooperating or supporting them. If your spouse did not cooperate/support you during your marriage, there is no reason to expect them to be any different during the divorce process. This is not meant to be depressing fact but just a common sense approach.

As for our children, they are perfect little beings as they are. They WILL make mistakes - we ALL make mistakes. Don't let these mistakes define your kids.

There's a human nature paradigm (that probably has a fancy name that I'm forgetting now) that says that we think that other people's errors and flaws reflects their poor character, however or own errors are purely mistakes (not bad character). We are not perfect, our friends are not perfect, our children are not perfect and our spouses are not perfect. Lower your expectations... Don't hold your child accountable to the best of the best on Facebook. For every 1 child out there that plays the piano, gets great grades and loves all sports with natural athleticism, there are 100 others that don't. Love your child for who they are and this little person will change daily but will know you love them through all of it. It will define them. You will build their village. And you (we!) will find peace in being and not comparing.

As for your village, let me share the "secret" of church that it took me a long time to realize: it's more than just going. Once you open your heart to Jesus, He settles in and things start to stir.

Showing up at worship is great but you'll want more. You'll need more. The nature of church is not just worship. Worship is the foundation of a church and may be the entry for you. But church isn't just worship. Church is community. And community is a village. It's your village.

We (they?) don't always get this right. Churches are flawed. The church is the human application of a divine and loving God. God doesn't make mistakes - but WE do. And we will continue to. You may have been hurt by a church before. It breaks my heart some of the stories that people share with me. But that's not God pushing you away. That is human beings making mistakes.

How does Church become your village? First  GO (worship). Then CONNECT (small group). Then GIVE (volunteer). It may not be in that order.  And I've seen that order take place in one month or over the course of 10 years.  And I'll openly admit, I am the 10 year example.

But it is worth it. Warm is the new cool in my life. And my kids will grow up knowing the warmth of a church community that loves them through the chaos of this world. You can build your village too.